I turned 31 today. I’m officially moving towards my 40s instead of having just left my 20s. In some ways that’s hard to wrap my head around, but in other ways it’s also kind of great. I took some time to really think about some lessons I’ve learned so far. Things that I didn’t fully know in my 20s, but now have a better grasp on. I wrote down 31 lessons that have shown themselves true for me. Most are serious, some are silly, but all have helped me to evolve and change and become a better version of me.
1. Don’t fool yourself and think you know exactly what is going to happen in your life. No one knows what the next day will bring for sure, let alone the next hour. We may have plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Don’t go down the wrong path because you’re trying to save face but it’s obvious that God doesn’t will that personal desire of yours for you. Alternately, don’t resist something you thought you’d never do but it’s obvious God IS willing it for you.
2. It’s pride that says you can do this life alone. We need each other.
3. You have more empathy for someone if you get to see into their life and what they go through. It’s our isolation from one another and the walls we build that are the breeding grounds for judgment.
4. Most of the time it’s best to let the dust settle before making any major decisions. You don’t want to regret a decision you made in the chaos that you wish you could change once it’s calm and you see everything clearly for what it is.
5. Just because you’re speaking in language you understand doesn’t mean the other person is understanding you. We are all wired differently. Take the time to understand how the people you love see the world. Your relationships will be better for it.
6. Don’t hate the times in life you feel are insignificant or where you aren’t doing what you feel you are supposed to be. Oftentimes those events or periods in life are what God uses to bring you into your purpose- or better yet, bring you into blessing you didn’t even think to ask for.
7. It’s ok to get your kids off schedule for a night or two. Let them watch the fireworks. Let them stay up late with cousins on a trip. Yes the next day you’ll pay for it with cranky and emotionally unstable children, but those memories they will make will far outlast the sleep deprivation.
8. It’s ok if most of the friends you had growing up aren’t the friends you have as an adult. People change. They go different directions. That’s not a cause for bitterness or strife. It’s a time to wish someone well on their endeavors.
9. It’s not our job to convince others what we are doing is ok. If we truly believe we are on the right path for our life, it doesn’t matter what others think. There are as many ways to live this life as there are people on the planet because we are all unique with our own giftings and preferences. Everyone’s life is going to look different. Therefore it’s also not our job to convince others of how they should live either.
10. With that being said, don’t be too stupid to refuse to consider the advice of someone who has been there before. It’s wise to learn from the success and mistakes of others.
11. If something isn’t working, change it! Just because you have gone a little ways down one path does not mean you need to continue if that direction doesn’t serve you anymore. Change roads, take the fork, heck- forge a new trail!
12. It’s very common for people to feel like they haven’t “made it” or reached the point of full confidence in their own endeavors. Life is a continual journey where we are always changing and learning. Don’t fall for the lie that someone else has it figured out and you don’t. We are all just wingin’ it!
13. We will all reach a point where we need help beyond what we want to admit. It’s not a hand out, it’s called love, and it’s what we are supposed to do for one another. If someone needs help, and you have the resources to share with them whatever they need, share it! Don’t hoard your blessing. There will come a day when you need help from someone else.
14. We are kidding ourselves if we think we can control someone else’s behavior, be it our kids or spouse or anyone else. We can’t force anyone to want to do anything. All we can do is influence the environment where change and growth is possible.
15. Youth really is wasted on the young. The time you start actually appreciating your body is the time is stops working for you. You only have one body, find a way to prioritize taking care of it.
16. Usually you aren’t ever one “thing” when you “grow up.” If you find you don’t have something that resembles a “career” in the traditional sense, that doesn’t mean you don’t have purpose. Most people’s lives are made up of many endeavors and many “hats”.
17. Most people aren’t mind readers- if you have something to say, say it! Don’t assume someone else will just know what you are needing. Tell them.
18. It’s ok if you feel you aren’t who you once were. Usually that’s a good thing.
19. Don’t think you know what you would do when looking at someone else’s life. No one truly understands something until they actually go through it themselves. No one really knows how they would react to something until it’s actually happening. So if you haven’t gone through something, it’s better to not act like you know what you’d do.
20. You do feel better when hydrated. So drink the water.
21. With that said, it’s ok to eat the piece of cake. Sometimes joy and self care looks like enjoying something that’s “bad for you”. Because really, most things aren’t bad in and of themselves, it’s the moderation we usually don’t get right.
22. If you want to expand your worldview, read. If you want to further expand it, actually immerse yourself into places that make you uncomfortable.
23. Judgment usually stems from misunderstanding, which usually stems from fear. We are usually afraid of what we don’t understand. If we want more love we need to make the effort to understand each other’s lives. This requires us to not isolate ourselves into bubbles with people just like us.
24. If you want to know what you sound like, just listen to your toddler. (And all the parents said amen)
25. In the age of DIY craze, know when you just need to hire the professional. If we all DIY’d everything, there would be no jobs left. Support your local community and hire out what you are too proud to say you don’t know how to do.
26. It’s ok to say no. The world does not hinge on you. It will keep spinning even if you say that dreaded word, ‘no’. Whoever is asking will find another way without your help. And that’s ok. True friends will be ok with hearing you say that.
27. Let other people say no to you. It’s not personal, they are just likely trying to take care of themselves and their responsibilities by not overextending.
28. Assumptions usually fester into big lies and bitterness the longer you refuse to have a conversation about it. Usually miscommunications and incorrect beliefs reveal themselves quickly when people actually sit down to have a conversation about hurts. Compassion and empathy can quickly replace anger if we just give it a chance.
29. In these days of social media I’m convinced we know way more about people than we are supposed to. It’s ok to not know everything about everyone. It’s also ok if you decided not to read this blog post. Taking care of ourselves sometimes means choosing not to consume all the endless information people share everyday.
30. I’ve found the trick for how to grow long healthy hair: frequent trims! It sounds like the exact opposite of what you’re supposed to do, but if you don’t cut it regularly those split and damaged ends are gonna rise up the hair shaft and stop your hair from growing well.
31. It’s usually a good rule of thumb to do something the exact moment you think of it, or at the very least write it down if you can’t get to it in the moment. If you don’t, chances are you will forget later or you will lose your motivation and the thing could go undone for days, or weeks, or months, or even years.
My crazy crew. What blessing! If this is what 31 looks like, I’ll take it-and more!