Our toddler on his birthday with his birthday ring.
I’ll admit it. I’ve always hated giving presents. Whew, that feels better to get off my chest. Although if you know me, you already know this. My love language is most definitely not gift giving, and since most celebrations are centered around obligatory gift giving, I’ve always felt a bit confused as to how I should approach holidays and special times of the year. So without knowing how to celebrate in a way that seems meaningful to me, I’ve gone completely in the opposite direction with all holidays, and I usually do nothing. I don’t celebrate. I don’t make valentines, I don’t wear green, no easter egg hunts, nothing for father’s day, we don’t light fireworks, the only reason my kids have dressed up for halloween is because their grandmother comes to my rescue and sends us costumes (thank you Lori!) and no new year’s resolutions. This year my mom even had to text me late in the evening to remind me it was my dad’s birthday because I had completely forgotten.
Wow, that sounds scrooge-y! I feel almost embarrassed typing that out. I don’t mean to be such a grinch, but hear me out. I think the reason I have not participated in all of this cultural normality around holidays and celebrations is because these traditions don’t feel like mine. I’m expected to fall in line and do all these things. And one thing I’ve come to learn about myself, I will not do something just because I’m told to, or because everyone else is. Especially if everyone else is. What enneagram number is that? (Obviously I haven’t taken this quiz or hopped on that train because, you guessed it, everyone else has).
Upon having kids, especially as my oldest is growing older, I’ve realized that it’s not celebration I hate, it’s the expected norms that say I should celebrate in a certain way by doing certain things. That’s not me. That’s not us. (Speaking of which, I finally did start watching ‘This Is Us’ this year, after a couple years of banning it because everyone was raving about this new show, and of course I love it). Anyway, I wanted to find ways of celebrating throughout the year that’s uniquely expressive of us- to make traditions and memories using things we have decided as a family alone are things we want to participate in.
This intentionality to craft our own unique traditions can first be seen with how we’ve decided to celebrate our children’s birthdays. (I am frequently reading and researching ways to celebrate other holidays, and those blog posts will certainly come in the future). After a lot of thought and researching, this is what we have landed on as a family for birthdays and I’m so excited to implement these year after year, and make a lot of sweet memories along the way:
A Birthday Ring: I stumbled upon these rings while paroozing ‘The Wooden Wagon’ website. The birthday ring comes from an old German tradition for celebrating birthdays. The four rainbow-shaped wooden pieces all fit together to form a circle. The pieces have holes drilled in them for the ability to add candles and/or ornaments displaying the child’s age or favorite things. (These rings can also be used during Christmas as an advent activity). Each year you can buy a new number representing the child’s age, add more candles for the corresponding age as well, and perhaps buy a new wooden peg ornament to add to the growing number of decorations. I like this idea much better than a cake, as I have never liked the birthday cake tradition either, go figure ;). We did this for my three year old this year and to see the candlelight brighten up his face while he magically gazed into the fires on his birthday morn while the house was still dark was so incredibly special. He fell in love with his birthday ring and with all the ornaments on it. He asked to light it for every mealtime on his special day, and he loved blowing out the candles each time. We ended his birthday by playing with trains on the kitchen table with nothing but the candlelight illuminating our kitchen. This tradition is already a favorite of ours after only doing in once.
Balloon Doorway: This one is so fun! My original idea was to sneak into their bedroom while they lay sleeping and put as many balloons as would fill their room so when they awaken they’d have a ceiling full of color! However, our house was built in 1952, and we have creaking wood floors and doors that don’t fit together perfectly so when you open them they stick and snap and wake everyone up. For my toddler’s birthday this year we did a Plan B that actually was so fun we might ditch the balloon ceiling all together and just do this one. My husband made a wall of balloons in the doorway of our child’s bedroom, so when he opened his door after waking up on his birthday, all we could see was his little angelic face peeking through all the balloons! All day long he went in and out of his room just so he could pass through the magical wall of birthday balloons.
One Book: Recently we have really tried to be intentional about building up our family’s library with good, living books. Children’s books are no exception around here. We want them to be quality. Ones that will be passed down and well worn because they are that well-written and/or illustrated. So far our favorites are: The Little Engine That Could, Stone Soup, Blueberries for Sal, Tikki Tikki Tembo, Mike Mulligan And His Steam Shovel, Billy & Blaze, Where The Wild Things Are, A Child’s Garden of Verses, Harry by the Sea, and The Story of the Root Children. Books that are on our list to purchase in the near future: Miss Rumphius, Vivaldi’s Four Seasons, The Story Orchestra: Four Seasons in One Day, Ox-Cart Man, A New Coat for Anna and A Year Around the Great Oak. I try and make a point to read aloud frequently to my children. I read to them while our oats are cooking on the stove in the morning, while we are eating breakfast, while the baby naps, during bath time, and of course before bed. I hope that giving one book each year on their birthday (we do this at Christmastime as well), will give the impression that books are important and reading is to be loved.
One (open-ended) Toy: I’ve come to realize that nothing can turn me into scary mom faster than toys strewn everywhere around the house, especially if those toys are not ones that have any sort of imaginative value or make obnoxious battery-induced noise. An additional reason I have been so hesitant to celebrate holidays is the fear of an accumulation of more stuff we don’t need. I’ve done much research on toys and play, and I know the necessity of imaginative play through open-ended toys. If the toys are made of natural elements, like wood, all the better! So, we have decided to gift one quality toy on birthdays. My favorite toy companies are The Wooden Wagon and Treasures from Jennifer. Furthermore, I like how just one toy given makes that one toy very special. It’s easy to have toys lose their appeal if too many are given on one occasion. I read stories of days gone by where only one toy was given to a child because that’s all that could be afforded, and how those toys were cherished, beloved, worn down to almost being worn out, passed on and passed on through generations, and I long for that in our home. We don’t see much of this kind of cherishing anymore. We have so much and give so many material things that nothing becomes special and worthy of our full and lasting attention. Plus, I believe that even if children cannot articulate it or even believe it to be true, they are quite easily overwhelmed in a negative way by too. much. stuff!
Baptism Candle Lighting: Both of my boys were baptized by their uncle, and were given their baptism candle to keep afterwards. I thought of this idea to light their baptism candle every year on their birthday to thank God for their soul, and to remind my husband and I of the weighty honor of stewarding their light. Also, this way the candle gets used again and again after the baptism, instead of sitting in a drawer.
Habits Conversation: I will do a blog post eventually about habits and why and how we are intentionally instilling them into our children. Because our children are small, this tradition cannot fully be experienced yet, however, we pick one or two habits a year for each child and keep a journal of them with goals. Once the child reaches an age where we can have a conversation about it, we will use their birthdays as a marker to talk together about how they’ve grown and what successes they’ve had, as well as what areas need more attention. This will be one of the more serious moments of the birthday, but one that will have much value!
Birth Story: I don’t know about you, but I absolutely loved hearing my parents tell me what happened on the day of my birth. Even though I heard the story every year, it NEVER got old. To hear what was happening in my family leading up to my arrival, to see the excitement and wonder in my parents’ eyes every time they told it, the special feeling I got as I listened to something that was only just about me- was magical. I definitely want to give this gift to my children as well. As I mentioned before, our oldest son turned three a couple weeks ago. While he was laying in my lap at one point during the day I started telling him what was happening at that exact moment three years earlier. My usually rambunctious toddler laid still in my arms looking up at me while I was speaking, a smile in his eyes and an almost shy look on his face, knowing somehow that I was speaking of something very special, even sacred. I will never forget that moment.
Stevie Wonder Balloon Dance Party: This tradition started very spur of the moment this year without any planning (as the best traditions do!). My husband put on the Stevie Wonder ‘Happy Birthday’ song on the apple tv at the end of my son’s birthday and turned it up! We all started dancing around the living room amongst the birthday balloons that had now found their way from the doorway onto the floor. The pure joy on our toddler’s face as he ran and kicked balloons and watched his parents laugh and dance and sing with him was one of the highlights of his day, and one he is still talking about!
So there you have it, a celebration scrooge’s guide for how to get un-scrooge-y when it comes to celebrating children on their birthday. It has been a long road for me to arrive at this point of wanting to go out of my way to make this day special, but when it comes down to it, I absolutely want my children to have wonderful, magical memories of their birthdays. I just needed to find ways that felt more like us, not the ways everyone was telling me I needed to celebrate. I’m sure this list will grow and evolve as the years go by, but hopefully not in a way where we’ve gotten off track with our intentionality with keeping things simple and meaningful.